Sunday, May 17, 2009


I feel like crying upon reading this shout out of my Ate Yip "Dad God knows how I miss you dearly! Tnx for being an angel thru d difficult days of my life. You're the best father in the World! Love u so much" I know this month is my fathers death anniversary but I don't really know which date.

I had a life that no one would ever want to have. I was in grade one when i've known that the father whom i called Papa was not my real father. A week before the opening of classes Tito Ben (my father's cousin) brought some school supplies and told me that it was from my father. I was too young then to understand what was happening and why someone suddenly came to tell me that he was my father. We first met together with Tito Ben at a handicraft shop near Chicken House in Virac. That time I was to shy to come near to him para magmano if not of Tito Ben who keep on pushing me i think i won't do it. Our first meeting lasted for a minutes only and i didn't even say anything to him. The next meeting was about a year after at the house of Tito Ben in Rawis Virac and followed by another one. The last time was a week before my graduation in grade school. He asked me where am i gonna study highschool. And i told him that i have already passed the scholarship exam granted by a charity Institution - The Sisters of Mary School in Sta. Mesa Mla. At the same time i was just waiting for the result of entrance exam at the CSC Laboratory High School. He then told me not to study in Manila coz he promise to support my studies and since i will be studying in a convent like school run by Nun he was afraid that i'll become a Nun also.

The day of my graduation i was expecting he will be there to see me and that i'll be able to show him my academic awards but instead i received an evelope with money given by Ms. Carmen - my teacher who was their neighbor. I don't know what was that feeling i had that day for wanting to see him so much.

Then as early as May i went to Manila together with all the student who also passed the examination. I chose to study in Manila coz i feel more secure that i will finish my secondary studies since the institution offered it for free from head to foot. I was worried that if i stay at the province and hold on to his promise i might not be able to finish highschool and besides i would still witness how my mom and papa fight because of me though i was living with my grandma for the last two years of my grade school. All i want was to escape from the miserable life i had and run away from that usual scenario at home.

I never heard of him since i came to Manila until one day i received a letter from my mom that my father passed away, i was in second year then. I don't know what to react or to feel to that news coz the letter was on july and he died two months back. Mom says that months before he died Tito Ben asked her for the address of our school coz my father asked for it and he will try to visit me but he wasn't able to find it.

I never thought it would be our last meeting...i think it was the reason why i wanted to see him during my graduation even just for a while. It was sad coz i was actually hoping that time that hopefully for the next school yearly vacation i would be able to see him.

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